My Kindle is Toast!

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It was love at first sight for me, standing there in Pune, midst the August rains exactly a year ago. My girl friend then and Fiancee now, got me a 3rd Gen Amazon kindle for my birthday; complete with the cover light!

As I am lucky enough to live in India, it had to be ordered to a friends address in the states and have her relatives coming back to India haul it over for me (cheaper than international shipping by Amazon).

Me being a reader par normalcy;, I used it more regularly than even my phone till the day it departed our word to go to gadget heaven. I suspect the battery’s dead or the charging circuit is toast! But even in the mecca of all things electronic in India – Nehru Place; no one had seen a Kindle before, let alone attempted a repair.

So dejected, I have ordered another one from Chroma, who have been kind enough to get them to India at an affordable price of 7K INR. The order is through and the wait begins!

Waiting for gadgets is tough – but for my kindle in maddening.

 

Life Lessons From Haryana Roadways

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On a recent impromptu trip to Jaipur to catch up with some friends I had the pleasure of being the guest of honor of Haryana Roadways.

Five hours later I alighted at Sindhi Camp, Jaipur an enlightened man. Below are the 5 lessons I learned in that Journey, free with the ticket.

5) The world is far more flexible than you give it credit for; case in point, 4 people can sit in a bench made for 3.

4) The best things in life are often not what we think. Case in point, never ever sit by the window; the lady in front might just spit/vomit in your face!

3) To be closer to god, live on the edge. Case in point, on every speed bump, turn, overtake you nearly meet your maker.

2) Learn from our elders. In this case our politicians who were watching porn in Karnataka and Gujarat. Watch Porn in Public on your cell phone, like the two middle aged, mustached gentlemen in the row ahead of me.

1) What ever you do, don’t get caught. This seems to be issued in public interest by Haryana Govt, as all over the bus there were notices painted telling people “Finger prints from a crime scene can help the police identify criminals. Please wipe the place down.” Italics added by the author :)

And the only place on earth they would need a notice like below : Haryana!

Image

-AP

Bengaluru

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On a recent trip to Bengaluru, I hailed the holy grail of transportation in India, the veritable three wheeler, the auto rickshaw!

As I sat in my seat, clutching firmly to my bag and life, as the driver flicked through the traffic; a strange thing happened. An unnatural force, something pure evil stopped my auto. It was the demon of the red light, helped in his endeavors by the fellow demon the traffic jam.

Agitated with the possibility of being late I cursed under my breath and noticed something. The driver casually killed the engine and took out a newspaper, folded his legs and starting reading about the relationship status of a B town celebrity.

The humble bangalorian taught this finicky Delhite (a temporary arrangement) a thing or two about keeping cool!

-AP

9 random thoughts of the wise man. (cause there is no rule that says Lists have to be 10 items long)

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Please bear in mind this is a first Draft*

1) The wise man says, “ when everyone agrees with you; you know you are wrong!”
2) The wise man says, “A Man who sinks into a woman’s arms; will soon find his arms in the woman’s sink!” Funny story this one– another time another day!
3) The wise man says, “Talking of Pain; few things beat the truth in causing it.”
4) The wise man says, “Talk is cheap; Until you hire a marketer for it!”
5) The wise man says, “In any meeting – the fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion!”
6) The wise man says, “In all meetings, progress depends on the unreasonable man!”
7) The wise man says, “A Liar needs the best memory! Therefore all men suck at it.”
8) The wise man says, “A Clean desk is sure sign of a sick mind!”
9) The wise man says, “The first draft of anything is Sh**!”

Firing the Hole!

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The Stinker!

A more Potent weapon mankind has not found! This is the tale of the Stinker.

From the first e-mail sent out between DOD geeks to the sprawling myriad complex of the modern enterprise; the stinker has become as ubiquitous as the AK 47 in Africa!

What, my Facebook generation friends would observe; is a stinker. Having not yet put their feet in the muddy swamps of a Job, they are blissfully unaware of its existence.

Allow me to elaborate.

A stinker is an email sent with only one intent – to foul the mood, plans and ego of the recipient often as a vent for the increasingly rising frustration of an approaching deadline.
It is crafted from the annuls of hate deep in your gut, molded from the pressure of a deadline on your shoulders, decorated with the threat of consequence and dressed up as a trophy wife in words.

It must fulfill the below criteria to be called a classic Stinker; else it is just an abusive mail:

1) Subtle like a well placed compliment; just opposite though!
2) copied to the boss man and his boss man.
3) an emphasis on buzz words and the single most stress inducing word in the English language – URGENT!
4) A call to the sensibilities and responsibilities of the recipient

Writing a good stinker is an art form, and not many have perfected it!

The point is – that everyone must learn one thing ASAP after joining the corporate world – how to send a classically scented, convulsion inducing yet the very epitome of panache wrapped in 100 kilobytes of pure frustration.

5 common workplace super villains

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1)      Bellow lung lady

  1. From: Horse Lung nebula, planet MaXVol, decibel quadrant of the known universe
  2. Super evil power: a pair of horse lungs that can cross 130dB easily when she is belittling someone on the phone

2)      Question MAN

  1. From: Spectrum of the unknown, Britannica nebula, Planet Duh!
  2. Super evil power: a insatiable appetite for doubts and required clarifications. Mostly from the planet – financialot

3)      The wizard of delegation

  1. From: you-do-it star system, came to earth as an attachment on asteroid Outlox
  2. Super evil power: same as an Outlook auto forward rule. Forwards all requests and delegates instantly

4)      The Animator

  1. From: Planet ShinyObject, animate-on-click star system.
  2. Super evil power: Animating all presentation to levels that would put Walt Disney to shame.

5)     Chief  Wannabe Bossman

  1. From:  From the tribe of the Aggressors, located on the outer fringes of the corporate dust clouds around the midlife crisis quasar!
  2. Super evil power: Trying to boss everyone around despite not being their boss.

Scatter and Gather

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People old enough to have worked on Mainframes and storage arrays will be familiar with the phrase above – it is also know as Vectored I/O. But this post is not about that.

It is about a life (mis)management philosophy; it is about a paradigm shift in managing business and crisis.

Now scatter and gather is a two pronged strategy -

1) Scatter

2) Gather

Yeah! Genius that’s it. Now to elaborate!

First comes the scatter – this is the part where you divide the problem into little parts and spread the work load around.

The key here is to set clear boundaries and responsibilities and align the stick and carrots for each party.

Then comes the Gather – get all the required parts and put together as one whole.

Simple isn’t it! Not actually – the greatest fallacy of this approach is that it appears simple.

There are two major points in human nature that make it unsuccessful everytime

1) you can’t get people to own responsibility to something completely and do as told. No they will come back and say that they thought that something-something was XYZ’z responsibility

2) people love meddling with other people work
So this is completely useless, you may think! You may also think that reading this post was a complete waste of your time. Well NO.

See the point that I wanted to make was very simple. Many of life challenges are simple to solve, to get over and get a move on, but that’s exactly the reason we can’t and fail repeatedly.

Take for example the case of the hope less couple – who want to break up and move on! (Scatter) and marry according to their parents choice (weather they are in love or not is another post). They want to move on and gather their life back without the habit of the other person in their life.

Simple isn’t it. But most fail here.

Another example is a plan that needs to be put together! You need it to be perfect! The best approach sounds like spreading the work between the concerned parties! Giving the fiance guys the numbers, the marketing the communication and branding and the business managers the GTM (go to market) strategies and they sit down and put it all together.

It sounds simple and like the right approach – that’s why it is the wrong one.

So whats the right thing to do?

Well in the Business plan it is best to get everyone in the same room – get a KT and make the damn thing yourself. That way everything fits in together perfectly – all numbers match up and you never end up over committing. The best way is to gather and then process. Scatter is the difficult part.

 

As for the couple above, well I don’t have an answer to that!

 

-AP

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